With the romance of Valentine’s Day lingering, here’s some advice to keep the harmony going from renowned couples therapist Rachel Glik, with over 30 years of experience.
Glik emphasizes that small changes in relationships can lead to significant improvements.
Many common mistakes in relationships stem from patterns established early on, but recognizing and addressing them can lead to lasting positive change.
1. Lack of Intentionality
Many individuals enter relationships without a structured approach, often mirroring behaviors observed in childhood or reacting against them. Glik advises couples to see themselves as “partners-in-training,” actively seeking education through articles, books, and therapy to enhance their relationship skills.
2. Placing Happiness in a Partner’s Hands
A fulfilling relationship begins when individuals take responsibility for their own happiness and well-being. Glik underscores the importance of self-awareness and personal growth, which serve as the foundation for a healthy partnership. Her book, A Soulful Marriage: Healing Your Relationship with Responsibility, Growth, Priority, and Purpose, highlights the significance of cultivating a strong “relationship with self.”
3. Viewing Conflict as a Red Flag
Many couples mistakenly believe that conflict signifies a failing relationship. However, Glik asserts that disagreements and reconnections are natural aspects of a dynamic partnership. Instead of avoiding conflict, couples should embrace challenges as opportunities for personal and relational growth.
4. Trying to Change a Partner
It is common for individuals to attempt to modify their partner’s behavior when something feels bothersome. Glik encourages self-reflection in such moments, prompting individuals to ask whether they, too, exhibit similar behaviors or if they are expecting unrealistic perfection. Shifting the focus from criticism to appreciation strengthens the relationship.
5. Failing to Prioritize the Relationship
Early in relationships, partners often cherish one another effortlessly. However, as life progresses—especially with the addition of children, career demands, and external influences—relationships can lose their priority status. Glik recommends intentional actions such as regular date nights and open discussions about relationship health to maintain a strong bond.
6. Thinking Too Small
Beyond individual and relationship well-being, Glik highlights the importance of contributing to the greater good. Engaging in acts of kindness, such as volunteering or supporting others as a couple, fosters connection and adds depth to the relationship. Shared generosity can help partners navigate differences and strengthen their bond.
By avoiding these common pitfalls and making intentional efforts to grow, couples can cultivate long-lasting and fulfilling relationships. Glik’s insights provide valuable guidance for those seeking to deepen their connections and build a strong foundation for lasting love.
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